What Really Happened Behind The Scenes of Pearl...
by Kitty Kat
Summary: Humor, people, humor. Laugh, cry, or rip my fingers off for typing this.
1. Part 1

What Really Happened Behind The Scenes of Pearl Harbor  
  
A/N: This is just for the sake of humor. And I have only seen a handful of Ben's movies and only one of Kate's. So this may be focused a lot on Josh more than the other two. Oh, it has spoilers for some movies. Let me see which ones. Okay, Armageddon, Here On Earth, The Faculty, Brokedown Palace, Bounce, and of course Pearl Harbor.  
  
My deal on flames: I'm gonna be getting a lot, I predict. So, flame me if you want to. But, flames aren't cool. Except for the blue ones on my shirt. Anyway, just give me some constructive criticism.  
  
Characters:  
Ben- Ben Affleck. Some people think he's hot. RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT.  
Kate- Kate Beckinsale. She annoys me. And the lipstick deal? No.  
Josh- ah, Josh Hartnett. I may make fun of him, but I don't mean it. I may mean it with everyone else.  
Jerry- Jerry Bruckheimer. No comment.  
Michael- Michael Bay. No comment.  
Randall- Randall Wallace. I love the book.  
Chris- Chris Klein. Scares me.   
Elijah- Elijah Wood. He's sorta dorky in all the movies I've seen him in.  
Jordana- Jordana Brewster. I think she is awesome. And very pretty.  
Claire- Claire Danes. I dunno, she was sorta pretty and talented.  
  
Ben, Kate, and Josh all sat in different chairs. Kate furiously attacked her lips with a tissue hoping to get off all of the lipstick before they left. Ben stared at her with his eyebrows raised. Josh stood up and placed a movie in the VCR. Kate and Ben refocused their attention to the screen as they wondered what they were going to be watching.   
  
"Lady and, um, Ben," Josh said as the first shots of the movie began. "For your enjoyment. Starring Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, and of course the infamous Ben Affleck. Armageddon."  
  
"What are you doing there, kid?" Ben asked.  
  
"Just because you're older and all the girls like me don't mean you gotta make fun of me," Josh said smiling.   
  
"Just because you can't act, or talk English for that matter," Ben started.  
  
"Quiet!" Kate said as the scene showed Ben, Liv, and Bruce.   
  
Ben buried his face into a pillow. "Come on, I hate watching myself act," he said trying to push stop on the VCR.   
  
"No no no," Josh said stopping him. "I believe the lady wants to see it."  
  
"Not really," Kate said.  
  
"Shut up," Josh said with a boyish glee as he pinned Ben to the chair. "And I win. Ben is a wimp!"  
  
"Am not!" Ben said trying to get Josh off of him.   
  
Kate burst out laughing and everyone stopped. "What's so funny?" Josh asked. "Surely this movie is not a comedy."  
  
"Come on, man. If the Jerry or Mike see this, they might know how bad I suck at acting," Ben said diving for the remote. Josh grabbed it and shook his head again.  
  
"They'll never see it. And what the hell is so goddamned funny?" Josh asked as Kate erupted in a fit of giggles.  
  
"Ben, you-really-suck-at-acting," she said slowly still laughing.  
  
"Kate, we already knew that," Josh said sighing.   
  
"Ben, we'd like for you to do scene 535 again," Jerry said as he and Michael walked into the lounge area.  
  
"Oh, popcorn!" Michael said reaching for the bowl.   
  
Kate grabbed it before he got a chance. "Mine," she said as she hugged the bowl to her chest.  
  
"Man, I'd love to be that bowl right now," Jerry said drooling. Meanwhile, Ben was still trying to stop the movie. Josh was still winning the fight, though.  
  
"Woah, this is great stuff. Who made it?" Randall Wallace asked walking into the room. His eyes were fixed on the screen.  
  
All three main actors looked at each other. "This movie sucks," Kate offered as Randall and Michael both reached for handfuls of popcorn. She threw the bowl at them. "Okay, so I know it's not in the script or anything but, well, you guys have tons of money so this shouldn't be too hard. Just maybe have Josh and me make out, ya know?"  
  
"No! You probably got cooties or something," Josh said jumping away from her chair.   
  
"Okay, but Evelyn be in love with Rafe," Michael said. "How we make Evelyn fall out of love with Rafe?"  
  
"I know!" Josh offered. "Rafe can die!"  
  
"The kid has a point there," Jerry said.   
  
"Hello? Me, over here! The one with the Oscar! Lookie! Me!" Ben said waving his arms.  
  
"What Ben?" Michael asked.  
  
"I don't want to die," he said simply. "I want Josh to die."  
  
"We'll think about it," Michael said as Bruce Willis blew himself up on the screen. Ben gave Josh the 'angry eye.' Josh whimpered and sat in the seat furthest away from Ben. Randall, Michael, and Jerry left.  
  
Ben smirked. He ejected the tape and put in "Here On Earth."   
  
"You didn't rewind that," Josh said upset. "Blockbuster's gonna yell at me for that."  
  
"Puh-lease," Kate said. "You are going to be making money, aren't you Josh dear?" she said trying to kiss him. "Phooey," she said when he ran and hid behind Ben.  
  
"She scares me, that one does," Josh said whimpering.   
  
"Shut up, kid," Ben said.   
  
"I'm not a kid. I'm an adult!" he said.  
  
"Riigghht," Ben said.  
  
"That's her! That's the girl I kissed!" Josh said pointing to the screen.  
  
"You kissed her in the movie?" Kate asked.  
  
"Yep! Lala or something like that. Not a very pretty girl, she wasn't," he said. "I got to kiss Kirsten Dunst, so she was a nothing."  
  
"This is what a real movie set looks like," they heard a voice down the hall say.  
  
"Shit," Josh said. "He beats me up! He's after me! Help!" He ran around the room before not so expertly hiding under the table.  
  
"Where's Josh?" Chris Klein said as he walked into the lounge. Ben and Kate shook their heads and sighed. They pointed under the table. "Hi!" he said. "This is really cool. The best movie I ever did was American Pie."  
  
"You gonna hit me again?" Josh asked still under the table.  
  
"What? When did I hit you?" Chris asked a little flustered. Josh pointed to the screen that had Kelley pushing Jasper into the wood frame of Mable's Table.  
  
"There. Then," Josh said. "And then we gots in trouble!"  
  
Chris looked at the other two suspiciously. "Does he understand what acting is?" he asked.  
  
"We don't think so," Ben said. "But neither do we so it doesn't really matter."  
  
"We want you to leave," Kate said.  
  
"But the fanfic author says I don't have to leave until the movie is over!" Chris complained.  
  
They all looked at the screen. It had a shot of Leelee Sobieski dancing around a kitchen. "Damn it," Ben said. "It's not over yet."  
  
"Nope!" Chris said cheerfully as he jumped onto the couch. "Popcorn?" he asked.   
  
Kate sighed. "Here," she said as she threw the bowl at him. Pieces flew up and cluttered the floor and couch.  
  
"Way to go, Kate," Josh said. "Now we're gonna have to clean that up!"  
  
This time Ben sighed. "Lindsay!" he called into the next room. A short little woman ran out.   
  
"Mr. Affleck?" she asked.   
  
"Popcorn, now," he ordered.   
  
"Yessir," she said a little frightened and turned on the vacuum to pick it all up.   
  
Chris looked at her angrily. "What?" she asked.  
  
"I am trying to watch a movie!"  
  
"Let her do it, Chris," Josh said.  
  
"What are you gonna do? Make me?" he asked.  
  
"No," Josh said and slid back down into the seat.  
  
The scene showed Josh in a black suit crying. "Too bad, the movie's over," Kate said as she turned the TV off. "Let's go home!"  
  
Chris was asleep by this time so they just poured the rest of the popcorn on his head. (They had a lot of popcorn.) The three main actors walked out the front door, occasionally waving to someone on set.   
  
They all looked at each other one more time. "Bye," the three said in a chorus. They entered the cars and drove off.  
  
** ** ** ** ** ** **  
  
"Evelyn, I love you!" Josh said.   
  
"CUT!" the director dude yelled really loud.  
  
"Get your hands off of me!" Josh yelled at Kate. "And the kiss is CLOSED MOUTHED. None of that French shit."  
  
"Aw, lil Joshy doesn't want to kiss me?" she asked as though she were talking to an infant.  
  
"Hell no!" he said and walked into the lounge area where Ben was already sitting.  
  
"The low point of your career, my friend. The Faculty," Ben said as he pushed play with an evil smile on his lips.  
  
"Joshy pooh has had no low points," Kate said coming him behind Josh. "Do you?"  
  
"We'll get to you next," Ben said shaking his head at Kate.   
  
"That one really scares me," Josh said pointing to Kate.  
  
"I think she's sort of hot," Ben said.   
  
"Nasty," Josh said inching away from Ben. "Woah! I made out with her too!" he said as the screen showed a blonde girl with a horrible southern accent. The screen flashed in horror letters "Marybeth."  
  
"Hey," said a voice as Elijah Wood and Jordana Brewster walked into the lounge area.   
  
"Where's the girl I made out with?" Josh questioned.  
  
"Oh, you mean Laura? She hasn't made a good movie since The Faculty, and we think she's scary," Elijah said.   
  
"Casey, Casey," Josh started.  
  
"My name is Elijah, Goddamnit! Stop calling me Casey!"  
  
"Jordana, what the hell is his problem?" Josh asked the dark haired actress.  
  
"No clue. Casey, what the hell is your problem?" she asked smacking him across the head.  
  
"Ouch! That hurt!" he complained. They all sighed.  
  
"Look at what a dork you are!" Josh said looking at the screen. Elijah was complaining to Jon Stewart that the bug thingy had gone away.   
  
"Shouldn't have saved your life," Elijah said. "Shoulda changed the script."  
  
"What? I saved YOUR ass. You remember the drug I made?" Josh said acting all tough and stuff. "Never mind, I don't fight with dorks. Jordana, you wanna go make out?"  
  
"Sure," she agreed.  
  
"Hey, you're supposed to be going out with me!" he called as they left the lounge area.  
  
"Crash and burn, Casey!" she called back.  
  
"Well, technically, I'm not allowed to leave until the movie is over. So, mind if I join you?" Elijah asked Ben and Kate. They both left the couch and sat in the seats with their names on it.   
  
"Um, okay. Just don't talk to us or come near us. Or you know, breath," Kate said.  
  
He began to protest before a chorus of "GROSS!" came from them as Jordana had bug thingys crawling under her skin. Elijah studied his movements.  
  
"Look at how I am when I am high," he said pointing it out. "Oh shit," he said realizing Kate and Ben were making out. "Would you cut it out?" he asked.  
  
"Remember the rules," Kate said as Ben bit her neck.  
  
"That's gonna leave one nasty scar," Elijah said smiling.  
  
Ben pulled away his lips so he could talk. "Would you stop watching us! Watch the Goddamned movie or something. Since you are such a GREAT actor," Ben said pointing out Elijah's great cockiness.  
  
He didn't respond. Ben was back to giving Kate hickeys, and Josh and Jordana were still making out down the hall. He stood up and left the room. He walked down the hall to where Jordana and Josh were. "Casey, is the movie over already?" Jordana asked him.  
  
"Once again, the name is Elijah. And no, the movie is not over," he said turning and starting towards the door.  
  
"Then you can't leave," Josh said.   
  
"Who's gonna stop me?" he asked. "Your friends in there seriously need to get a room and you two are just making me want to throw up."  
  
He touched the doorknob as to open it and got shocked. "What the fuck?" he screamed even though it was a light shock. One you get when someone touches you that just dragged their feet across a carpet. He tried again and it shocked him more painfully this time.  
  
"Casey, stop it, okay? The thing just goes up in volts until the movie is over!" Josh said.  
  
"Maybe we should stop making out and hang with Casey. He seems pretty bored," Jordana said as if Elijah wasn't in the room.  
  
"Nah, Ben and Kate were supposed to baby-sit him!" Josh persisted.  
  
"I don't want to be baby-sat! I want to leave!" he cried.  
  
"Poor Casey," Jordana said. "You can't leave. But Josh and I are making out now. Maybe later we could go to the park and you could look at the duckies! Wouldn't that be fun?"  
  
"Yea," Elijah said like an impatient 3 year old.   
  
"Now go back to Uncle Ben and Aunt Kate and watch the movie like a good boy," Josh said.  
  
"Okay," he agreed. He skipped into the lounge again.  
  
"Thank God he's gone," Josh said before returning to the soft spot on her neck.   
  
Elijah walked into the room. Surprisingly, Kate and Ben were now seated on different sides of the room. Before he could ask Kate said, "He said Gwenyth is hotter than me."  
  
"Bad move," Elijah said before plopping down next to Kate on the couch.  
  
Kate looked over at Ben again. "Wanna make out?" she asked Elijah.  
  
"Sure," he said. They started kissing and Ben let out a long sigh. Then they broke the kiss. "I've never kissed a girl before," he said smiling.   
  
"Okay," Kate said. She got up and sat in Josh's chair because it was the farthest away from Ben and Elijah.  
  
"It's over. You can leave now," Ben announced.   
  
"Okay," he said. Josh was now playing football on the screen. "Oh, I love that ending!"  
  
They showed that Casey had made the front of People and the high school newspaper thingy.  
  
"Bye," Kate said pushing him out of the lounge. He walked down the corridor and stopped beside Josh and Jordana.  
  
"What Casey?" she asked.  
  
"Movie's over," he announced like Ben had just done.  
  
"Damnit, I have to leave. Later," she said to Josh and the two left the room.  
  
"I LOVE YOU," he called.   
  
Jordana looked back at him awkwardly. "No, you don't," she answered then pulled Elijah by the arm out the door. This time it didn't shock them.  
  
Josh walked back into the lounge where someone had put in Brokedown Palace. "She's hot," Josh said as he sat on the couch.   
  
"Her name is Claire. She reminds me of Gwenyth. You know, with blond hair," Ben said.  
  
"She's butt ugly! Who the hell is she?" Josh asked as the brunette came onto the screen.   
  
"It's me!" Kate said obviously shocked, but not hurt.  
  
"My point exactly," Josh said.  
  
"That made absolutely no iota of sense," Ben said smiling because he used the word iota.  
  
"Dimwit," Josh said.  
  
"Moron," Ben answered.  
  
Kate giggled at their lack of intelligence. Ben and Josh then gasped. The girls had to cut their hair for the movie and it showed that on the screen. "And I thought I got bad haircuts," Josh said.   
  
"Our hair does look pretty bad there, doesn't it?" Claire Danes asked as she walked into the lounge area. "Hey," she said noticing Kate.  
  
"Claire! You came!" Kate said jumping out of her chair and lunging as if to give Claire a hug.  
  
"No," Claire said stepping back. "I don't like hugs."  
  
"Not even from me?" Ben asked standing up.  
  
She looked him over. "Definitely not from you. Maybe from him," she said looking at Josh.   
  
"Okay!" he said standing up and hugging her. "Wanna go make out?"  
  
"No, that's okay," she said and sat down in the chair next to Kate.   
  
Josh pulled her from the chair. "We don't sit next to her. She scares us. Come sit next to me!"  
  
"All right. She doesn't scare me, but what the hell?" she said as she sat next to Josh on the couch.  
  
"You're a stone fox," he said as she sat down.  
  
"Thanks," she said then turned her head so she was looking at the TV.  
  
"Damn, it worked in The Virgin Suicides," he said.   
  
"This isn't a movie," Ben said.  
  
Josh glared at him. Then the room hushed. "Woah, that was a weird ending," Josh announced.   
  
"Yea, why did they keep the hotter one in prison?" Ben said.   
  
"Because out of prison, I am still unattainable," she said. "So don't try anything. Right, well I better be going."  
  
"Bye," Ben said.  
  
"Later," Kate called over the magazine she was reading.  
  
"See ya," Josh said standing up to hug her again.   
  
She walked out of the room without another sound. "What are we going to do now?" Ben asked.  
  
"Leave," Kate said as she threw the magazine back onto the table.  
  
"Good idea," Josh said. They left Ben there because he still had one more scene to do alone.  
  
** ** ** ** ** ** ** 


	2. Part 2

What Really Happened Behind The Scenes of Pearl Harbor  
Part 2  
  
A/N: One more Ben movie and one more Josh movie.  
  
New characters  
  
Gwenyth- Gwenyth Paltrow. Ben is like still in love with her.  
Kirsten- Kirsten Dunst. I like her.  
  
"You're gonna be a father, Danny!" Ben cried.  
  
"No," Josh said softly. "You are." He shut his eyes.  
  
"CUT!" the director called.  
  
Josh stood up and ran behind the plane. "SHE ISN'T HERE!" Ben called.  
  
Slowly, his figure emerged from behind the plane. "I think she's the devil," he admitted.  
  
"Let's go watch some more movies!" Ben said happily.  
  
"Okay," Josh said still scanning the set with his eyes.   
  
"She's doing another scene," Ben assured him.  
  
"I don't trust her," Josh said.  
  
"Come on," Ben said pulling him by the arm into the lounge area.  
  
He put in Bounce. "Here's my theory," Ben started.  
  
"What's a theory?" Josh asked.  
  
"Never mind. I think since you know people from the movies come when you put the movie in, maybe Gwenyth'll come!" Ben said.  
  
"Get over her! She doesn't like you!" Josh said acting like they were both in the 7th grade again.  
  
"Right, ok," Ben said brushing the comment off. They watched and waited as they showed a bar scene with Ben and some guy. "Where is she? Where is she?" he asked impatiently.  
  
"Maybe she doesn't come until they show her in the movie," Josh suggested.  
  
"Right, that has to be it," Ben said. So they waited. And waited.  
  
Finally they showed the brunette Gwenyth at her home. "Hi!" they heard a female voice down the hall say. Ben jumped up.   
  
But only Kate walked in. Josh hid under the table again. "THE DEVIL!" he yelled.  
  
"Where is she? Where is Gwenyth?" Ben asked.  
  
"Ben," a voice came from what the actors must've thought was the ceiling because that's where they all looked.  
  
"God?" he asked.  
  
"Hell no!" a female voice said. "I just need to tell you that no one will be arriving from any of your movies. That is all."  
  
"NO!" Ben cried.   
  
Josh finally got the courage to emerge from under the table. He jumped around the room repeating, "Bounce! Bounce!" At first Ben was flattered, but then he realized Josh wasn't doing it because of the movie, but because he was bouncing around the room.  
  
"Sit," Kate commanded.  
  
"Treat?" he asked as he lingered near a chair.  
  
"Oh fine," she said throwing him a candy bar off the snack tray. "God only knows why he doesn't come over here and get it himself," she said to herself.  
  
Josh sat and devoured it. He looked at Ben, who was still in a half kneeling, half laying position on the floor. "What?" he asked completely forgetting the last five minutes.   
  
"Gwenyth," Ben whispered.  
  
"Did I miss something here? Who's Gwenyth?" Josh asked.  
  
"You missed a lot," Kate said chewing her bubble gum. (I wanted her to have bubble gum, so goddamnit, she has bubble gum!)  
  
"Like how to act," Ben said joining in on the teasing.  
  
"Weren't you just crying?" Josh asked.  
  
Ben wiped his eyes dry of tears. "No," he said in a voice that told you he was lying. And, as we all know, he isn't a good actor.  
  
The people on the screen were in bathing suits at a water park. Kate started laughing hysterically and fell onto the couch. Josh, following her lead, started laughing too.  
  
"What?" Ben asked totally clueless.  
  
"Ben...in...bathing...suit," Kate managed to say between erupting in giggles again.  
  
"Josh, you wanna come do scene...got anymore popcorn?" Michael asked as he entered the room.  
  
"Nope," Josh said. "What scene?"  
  
"None. Did I say scene? I meant, um never mind. Go back to your business." He walked out of the room.  
  
"So, I don't want to watch this anymore. Do you?" Kate asked Josh.   
  
"No. Let's watch mine!" he said.  
  
She went over to the movies. "All we got is "The Virgin Suicides," Kate said as she picked up the box.  
  
"I was in that? Oh, I can't remember. Put 'er in!" he said as he plopped down on the couch.  
  
Ben sighed. "Not a drama," he said.  
  
"All the movies we have seen have been dramas," Kate pointed out matter-of-factly.  
  
"With some comedy," he said. "Anyway, Josh is only in the middle half of the movie."  
  
Kirsten entered the lounge as soon as her image was shown on the TV screen. "Hi," she said all sweetly.  
  
"You got to make out with HER?" Ben asked. "NO FAIR!"  
  
Josh laughed. "Hey," he said. He was acting a lot more cool around Kirsten that around any of the other actors or actresses. He stuck his hand out for her to shake but instead she gave him a hug.  
  
"I haven't seen you in SOOO long!" she said smiling.  
  
"I wanted to call you," he said.  
  
"Why didn't you?" she asked.  
  
"I didn't know your number," he said. She shook her head while she laughed.  
  
Ben and Kate noticed he hadn't asked her if he could make out with her. Kate nudged Ben in the rib cage. "OW!" he cried as he rubbed the spot her elbow had hit him.  
  
"Shut up," she ordered. "I think Josh is in love!"  
  
"Nah!" he said smiling and totally forgetting the pain in his ribs.   
  
"Yea!" she said.  
  
"Woah," Ben said.  
  
"This is a real intelligent conversation," Kate commented.  
  
"Huh?" Ben asked.  
  
Kate sighed and shook her head. "Never mind," she said brushing it off.  
  
"Can I take your coat?" Josh asked.  
  
Kirsten looked at him funny. "It's June," she said laughing. "I don't have a coat, silly." She playfully hit him on the shoulder.  
  
"So, um, wanna sit on the couch?" he offered.  
  
"Okay," she said. He sat down on the couch like a normal person.  
  
"That's weird, why isn't he jumping?" Ben asked.  
  
"We look awful, don't we?" Kirsten asked Josh.   
  
Kate and Ben remembered they were watching a movie and looked up at the screen. Kate placed her hand over Ben's mouth and he did the same to her so they wouldn't start cracking up. "We can, um, go do a scene now," Kate said surpressing a smile.  
  
"Right," Ben agreed before leaving.  
  
"What's their problem?" Kirsten asked.  
  
"I dunno," he said cuddling her. She looked at him funny.   
  
"Are you asleep?" she asked.  
  
"No," he answered. "I am enjoying your company."  
  
"Can you enjoy on the other side of the room? Thanks dear!" she said.  
  
He slid to the other side of the couch. She put one of her feet on the table. The same was happening on the screen. "Kirsten," he started.   
  
"Shhh, don't talk," she said and started kissing him. He smiled. "Damnit, don't smile!" she ordered.  
  
"Kirsten," he said pushing her away. "I could just sit here kissing you until the movie is done," he started.  
  
"Okay," she said and started kissing him again.  
  
"Wait a minute!" he said pulling away. "But, I don't want to! I really like you. Because once this movie is over, you're gonna be leaving. And if I didn't tell you that, well, I would be pretty pissed off at myself."  
  
"Josh, I don't like you like that," she said.  
  
"You don't? Then why were you kissing me?" he asked.  
  
"I mean I think you're damn sexy, but I'm only 19. So," she started.  
  
"You don't want to go out with me on Friday?" he asked.  
  
"No," she said.  
  
"Even if we make out afterwards," he said cocking an eyebrow.  
  
She thought about this for a second. "Okay, I'll go. But only if we make out afterwards."  
  
"Okay," he agreed. Then they started making out again.   
  
They stayed like that for a while. Until Kirsten broke it. "We gotta watch me die, okay?" she asked.  
  
"Sure," he agreed.  
  
They showed the garage. Kirsten's hand was hanging out of the car holding a cigarette. "Okay, I gotta go now," she said.  
  
"Do you hafta?" he asked.  
  
"Yep," she said. "But don't worry, pick me up Friday 'round 6."  
  
"Bye," he said holding a hand out. She placed her hand on his.   
  
"See ya later!"  
  
Ben and Kate reentered just as Kirsten left. "We have any more movies?" Kate asked.   
  
"No," Ben said looking at all the boxes of movies they had already seen.  
  
They turned off the VCR and turned on regular TV. "SURVIVOR!" Josh screamed running around the room. "I vote Kate off the lounge!"   
  
"Right," she said. But she left anyway. She mumbled something about immature jerks.  
  
Josh picked up a bowl of rice that just mysteriously showed up. "Mine! All mine!" he said running away from Ben.  
  
"I'm outta here," he said.   
  
"Bye!" Josh answered. Then when he realized he couldn't kick anyone else out of the lounge, he left too. 


	3. The Pearl Harbor Premiere

What Really Happened Behind The Scenes of Pearl Harbor  
Part 3- The Pearl Harbor Premiere  
  
A/N: I know Josh didn't go to the Premiere with Kirsten. And I don't think Ben went with Kate. So flame me. Jealous, evil people!  
  
However many months later at the Premiere of Pearl Harbor-  
  
"Hi Josh," Kate said waving to Josh. He hid behind Kirsten.  
  
"THE DEVIL!" he said. Luckily, only Kirsten heard him.  
  
"Let's get a picture," Kate said as she grabbed Josh.  
  
"No," he said trying to get away.  
  
"Smile," a photographer said. Josh gave in and smiled then pushed Kate away.  
  
"Benjamin!" Kate said calling Ben for a picture.  
  
"Good luck," Josh said to Ben. Ben once again opted for the 'angry eye.'   
  
Ben got the picture over with quickly. He wanted to get back at Josh for being Josh. "Josh! Let's hug for the cameras!" he called.   
  
"No, then everyone'll think that we're doin' it!" Josh called back. The loud chit chat turned to a soft murmur. "What?" Josh asked.  
  
Ben quickly gave Josh a hug and only a few cameras recorded that historic moment.   
  
Ben went over to a group of his fans. (A/N: This group has since dwindled in size to two. Yes, it is a shocker. Mr. Ben Affleck does have two fans.) He signed autographs. Then one fan suggested he dye his hair blond. Sad to say, his hair is now the gross yucko color of dyed blondness.  
  
Josh and Kirsten entered before Kate or Ben who decided to go as friends. "Friends who can't keep their hands off of each other," was Josh's response. But he didn't care. Because Kate was, of course, still "THE DEVIL!"  
  
They walked in and it was still dimly lit because no one else was there. "I'm bored," Kirsten announced. "Wanna go back outside and have people take pictures of us?"  
  
"Yea!" Josh said. Then they left.   
  
The red carpet now was filled with people. "TAKE OUR PICTURE!" Josh yelled. A bunch of cameras turned around.  
  
"Sorry, didn't see ya there," some reporter said. Then bulbs went off in all directions.  
  
"AHH! I'm melting!" Josh yelled as he stuck his hands up to protect his eyes from the cameras.  
  
All the photographers dropped their hands to their sides. They stood staring at each other for a few moments before a fan yelled, "Look! There's Alec Baldwin!"  
  
The photographers all turned and went over to photograph Alec.  
  
"We have to sit by each other," Ben said as he grabbed Josh by the arm. Josh then grabbed Kirsten and they went inside. Again.  
  
Josh made sure Kirsten was next to "The devil," so he wouldn't be. Before the movie even began, Kate and Ben started making out.  
  
Kirsten and Josh somehow managed to get popcorn, even though they didn't leave their seats. They threw it at Kate and Ben but neither noticed. "Look familiar?" Josh asked. The screen showed Ben and Kate kissing and they were kissing in the theater, too.  
  
The two started giggling and they heard a chorus of "SHH!"s from all around.   
  
"You say it," he whispered.  
  
"No, you," she said.  
  
"Okay," he agreed. "SORRY!" he said to the group. People began staring now.  
  
Then they began playing the Let's-Hit-Ben-and-Kate-with-Popcorn game again. Kate swatted at Kirsten a few times with her free hand, but they continued to make out.  
  
The first scene Josh and Kate kissed, Josh covered his eyes and squealed like a little girl seeing her first horror flick. Then, mostly just to shut him up, Kirsten kissed him. Then they started making out too.   
  
None of the actors actually saw the start of the bombing. But all four stopped kissing soon into it. Josh was the first one to speak. He said "cool." But, we must all agree with Josh. The hour was filled with action and suspense. And Josh didn't kiss Kate once.  
  
It also showed Josh and Ben in planes shooting down some other planes. "I can't believe that's me," Josh muttered to Kirsten.  
  
"I know," she said. "You're here, but you're up there at the same time!"  
  
"Yea, isn't that really weird?" Josh asked.  
  
By this time, people had stopped telling the four actors to be quiet. They knew it was no use. They were young, rich, and in love. Okay, scratch that last part. None of them knew what love was. They were young, rich, and wanted to break all the rules. Although whispering in a movie theater was the worst damage these four could possibly do.  
  
Some people will tell you the only reason Kirsten went out with Josh was because it was legal for him to buy beer. We, as in I, disagree. I think it is far deeper. Like his body and how they always made out.  
  
Josh started fidgeting. "Why's this movie so damn long?" he asked.   
  
People sighed, but no one told them to shut up. The movie was almost over, anyway. Josh and Ben were flying over the Chinese border, but they saw the Japanese flags.  
  
"We got Japs!" one of the actors cried.  
  
"Dang, that sucks," Kirsten said.  
  
"Yea, it does," Josh agreed.  
  
One of the planes went down. Then the other. "Nice eyes," Kirsten said to Josh.  
  
"Stop making fun of my eyes!" he complained.  
  
"I didn't make fun of your eyes. Their adorable," she said.  
  
"Good," he said.  
  
"Oh, that's gotta hurt," she remarked. Josh had thwacked (in the dictionary) a Japanese dude that was gonna hurt Ben. "Why'd you go and save Ben?"  
  
"I dunno. HE SURE ISN'T GRATEFUL," he said so Ben could hear.  
  
"You-you-you died?" Kirsten said.  
  
"Yea," Josh said.  
  
"Oh that's kinda sad, I guess," she said.  
  
"Movie's over, wanna go make out?" he asked her.  
  
"Sure," she answered.  
  
So they left and made out somewhere. Then Ben and Kate left, but they never talked to each other again. And Faith Hill sang sometime. But there was a nice little headline on the top of the next day's paper reading-  
  
Affleck, Beckinsale, Hartnett, Dunst: Not In Our Theaters  
  
But that headline didn't stop millions of teenage girls from falling in love with Josh. And Ben did dye his hair. And no one likes Kate. So she's gone from practically unknown to hated over night. But Kirsten is still cool. Even though she isn't dating Josh. And all this was fictional. But R/R because it took me 3 days to make it. 


End file.
